How to Handle People who Upset you

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Born in Jiangsu Province in the Qing Dynasty, Dong Jiaozeng was very poor. One year, without any money in his pockets he walked alone to the capital to attend the official examinations. On the way, he encountered a ship heading to the capital. At that time, the weather was so hot and humid that Dong asked to take a ride to Beijing. The guests on board agreed.

During the journey, Dong was studying while sitting at the rudder. There were two rich youths in the cabin drinking and singing. On hearing someone reading outside they became uneasy and uncomfortable and came out asking, “Who are you?” Dong replied that he was going to the capital for the tests. The two young men teased him, saying that he was too poor to seek fame. Other people nearby joined them in humiliating Dong.

Dong felt so upset that he left the ship. He walked hundreds of miles on foot before he could get any transport to the capital. In the examination, Dong won the second highest official marks. After a number of position changes and promotions, he became the Central Administration Representative to the Sichuan Province.

One of the rich youths who humiliated him on the ship was also an official in Sichuan. When he learned that Dong had been promoted and was taking up a post in Sichuan, he was very uneasy and decided to resign. When Dong heard about this matter he invited the rich man to meet and nicely comforted him saying: “Han Xin could let go of that great humiliation; comparatively mine is little. What happened has happened. Please do not be concerned by that any more. I have let the matter go.”

Dong forgave others and thought good of people. Everyone respected him very much.

Confucius once taught that if you ignore the old evil, then there would be very little resentment. People often say that while encountering tribulations one should “be forgiving then everything will be fine”; which is indeed a good way to avoid hatred and resentment.

Translated by Jean Chen

http://www.visiontimes.com/2019/04/22/how-to-handle-people-who-upset-you.html

該怎麼對待羞辱過你的人?古人做了好榜樣

董教增,字益甫,是清朝江蘇上元人。他家中原先十分貧寒,有一年,他背著包袱獨自徒步前往京城去赴試,在途中遇到一艘前往京城的船,當時天氣火熱難耐,董教增便想請求搭乘這艘船去京城,船上的客人答應了。

有一天,董教增在舵旁讀書,船艙中的人是一巨紳的兩個公子,他們正在飲酒唱歌,聽到外面有讀書聲非常厭惡,便出來問:「你是甚麼人?」董教增說了自己的名字,並說自己這是要前往京城赴試,那兩位公子取笑他說:「你這麼寒酸的人,也要去赴試求取功名嗎?」旁邊陪伴的人也紛紛附和、羞辱他。

董教增不堪羞辱,只好上了岸,又徒步走了數百里,才勉強租到一輛小車趕到京城。後來在考試中,董教增高中探花,歷任編修、郎中、四川按察使之職,後於嘉慶九年被薦舉提拔為四川布政使。

當年羞辱過董教增的一位公子也在四川做官,當得知董教增升為四川布政使後,想起當年的往事,心中十分不安,於是便準備辭官。董教增聽說了此事,特地將那位公子找來好言安慰,並說:「韓信胯下之辱都能不記仇,我哪能連古人都不如呢?你不要再為以前的往事而介意了。」

董教增寬以待人,不念舊惡,人們對他的器量十分欽佩。

孔子曾說:「不念舊惡,怨是用希。」意思就是說如果能夠不念舊惡,那麼怨恨就會很少。因此人們常說遇到矛盾應「退一步海闊天空」,這實為避恨解怨的金玉良言。

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